Dealing with Rejection

Published on by Jim Category: Communication and Relationships, Health Emotional

Most people experience reject all the time in their lives.  The more we stick our neck out and reach out to others the more rejection we will experience.

People reject me all the time, and as always, it hurts, for I can feel the fear that motivates any rejection.  We only reject others because we are afraid of OURSELVES and how we might react around those others.

It is not as if I go around punching people in the nose or anything that would cause people to run and hide when I come around.  No, at best I only speak to them and they react to that in a way that causes them some discomfort, injury or harm, which they then blame on me.  Lots of people have problems with me, but today I recognize that THEY the one with the problem, not me.

I no longer blame myself for people who are hurting and blaming me for that hurt.  When someone rejects me in any way I recognize they are doing that because they are hurting and have been taught to lie to themselves about that hurt, which traps them in that hurt.  I also recognize that they are not mature enough yet to be a close friend of mine.

I still hurt for them, and that hurt motivates me all the more to work against the sickness that teaches them to hurt themselves and to lie to themselves about that cause of that hurt.

I find that compassion for those who are hurting (the one doing the rejecting in this case) relieves the pain of the rejection.  We are taught to take responsibility for other people’s behaviors or choices, like when they reject us.  Therefore, when we take that responsibility we think to ourselves that there must be something wrong with me if this person is rejecting me.

This, of course, is not true; it is just what we have been taught.

Practicing compassion for those who are hurting relieves our hurt.  It takes the attention off us and puts it where it really should be, on the one who has the problem. When I feel the pain that rejection causes and comes from I am reminded that I do not want to create that pain for others or myself so I do not reject anyone.

This does not mean that I accept every invitation or friendship; it just means that I do not find fault in the other that makes me not want to be around them.

Open to the Truth

Published on by Jim Category: Health Mental

How does one know if they are open to the truth, if they have ‘eyes to see’ and ‘ears to hear’?  Does one have to ‘apply’ some truth or what others believe is the truth, or what is true for others, in order for us to be ‘open’ to that truth?

I am sure there are many people who would say that I am not open to the truth. Yet, I feel I am open to the truth, and I have gone to great effort to make myself open to that truth or anyone’s version of truth.  I have not gone to as much effort to change myself in accordance to what other’s believed is the truth.  This is why I think that people would say I am not open to the truth; because I am not willing to live up to their standards or expectation.

When I say that I see myself as open to the truth, I am referring to my ability to listen to others express themselves fully without needed to control that expression or without having and emotional response that would blind me to what they are attempting to express.

In the language of Jesus, I choose blessedness and do not take offense at anyone for anything they say.

Because I encourage people to be honest with me and I make a practice at relaxing and not reacting to what they say, I would say that I am open to the truth.

What is Love?

Published on by Jim Category: Health Emotional, Love and Fear

“Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside.” – Margaret Walker

My take on love comes from watching what is actually happening inside the body when we are experiencing the sensation known as love.  This is something that anyone can observe or directly experience if they just take the time to watch.  I come at this topic first from a detached, precise perspective, and second from an attached perspective as a human who wants to expand love.  To embrace the whole reality of love one embraces both the detached and attached perspective, giving both their due.

Love is a feeling we have inside of our body and is a reaction to thoughts.

Generally, we learn how to love from our parents or whoever nurtures or takes care of us when we are infants.  As this person comforts us, say by feeding us relieving our discomfort of hunger, we learn to associate the image or thought of this person with that comforting, and we develop a habit of relaxing around the thoughts of this person.  Relaxing is not just a physical thing, or just something we do with the muscles of the body, it is also something that we do with the nerves.

Therefore, love is a two-part process; the first is the thoughts and the second is the reaction of relaxing the nerves and the muscles around that thought.

In the beginning, our thoughts are associated with some material things like the person who nurtures or takes care of us, as we mature, our thoughts can be associated with anything, even a concept. As children our experience of love comes from thoughts of people or things that produce the good feelings

This practice or habit of relaxing is healthy in that it removes the ‘dis-ease’ we may be experiencing when we hold onto some thought or habitual tension in our body.  This is why spiritual teachings encourage us to love this or that so that we can develop a habit or skill of relaxing around our thoughts of various things that traditionally would have produces tension or ‘dis-ease’ within us.

We call these traditions ‘spiritual’ because they address what we are inspired or motivated to do; the word ‘spirit’ has the same root as the word ‘inspire’.  We are naturally motivated to seek the release of tension the same way that water is naturally motivated to flow downhill.

Therefore, when any tradition encourages us to practice love or any positive emotion, they are encouraging us to practice relaxing around our thoughts.

Some thoughts we have we have developed a habit of contracting around, and we call this fear.  A spiritual tradition might say that “love drives out fear,” for if we practice love (relaxing/expanding) around a fear producing thought we will eventually re-train ourselves to react by relaxing to that thought and thus relieve the tension, dis-ease or negativity we had experienced.

Learning to love is like learning to control our bowels and bladder; it takes practice at first but later becomes natural.

As I said above, the first part of learning to love is the thought, which is why there is no much emphasis on thinking about this process.  This can come in the form of a spiritual or religious tradition, which tries to get us to think in ways that allow us to relax around thoughts that traditionally produce contraction or fear.  Such a way of thinking might be to “love your enemies” since the idea of an enemy is of one who seeks to do us harm, we would naturally develop a habit of contraction or fear associated with ‘enemy.’  Since mostly the reality is we are just thinking about our enemies and not actually being injured by them, then we are being taught to love the thought of our enemies or to relax around the thought of those who have or might hurt us.

Once we get that love is healthy and what we want to experience it more, then we recognize that ANY thought we have we want to develop a habit of relaxing around.  We then will no longer need to discern between this or that type of thought, we just relax around all thoughts.  Hence, we will no longer need the philosophies or theologies and we can go back to being innocent “like the children to enter the kingdom of heaven.”  This enables what we call “unconditional love”, for we choose to love without conditions or criteria since we recognize that love is what we want to experience.

This is the objected behind the teachings to “love God,” where God is a concept that implies the creator of all that is.  We are practicing to love ALL that is, since it was created by this creator.  At an even higher level, we are encouraged to love the process of love, where “God is love” and we are taught to love God/love.  This moves us away from any mental activity that may be a limitation to our practice of relaxing and we practice loving the process itself.

Much of the ‘how to love’ teachings are about the science AND art of love.  The science deals with the understanding of how the human instrument works; how to relax both the nerves and muscles of the body.  The art deals with developing the sensitivity and the skill or habit of actually operating the human instrument.

I am currently writing a book that will detail my observation on both the science and the art of loving, particularly loving ourselves.  To keep informed on this book please subscribe to this blog.

 

Understanding

Published on by Jim Category: Communication and Relationships, Health Emotional, Understanding Ourselves

I have had a long-standing interest in understanding how this human instrument works.  This interest is not limited to the physical or medical functions but also the neurological, psychological, mental and emotional aspects of the human instrument.  My interest leads me to watch my body, my mind, my emotions, and myself as I go through life.  I particularly watch when I practice various spiritual disciplines or think various ways, to see the effect on the quality of life that these disciplines and ways of thinking have and WHY they produce those effects.

In my practice of watching myself and of watching others I have seen some very interesting aspects of human consciousness that when I try to share that with others I usually only get resistance.  Of course, this in itself interested me, for I wanted to know why there would be resistance to understanding ourselves.

I have seen that this resistance comes from the ego, a mechanism within the human instrument dedicated to survival of the human instrument.  It is imagined that if we understand ourselves then we will no longer treasure the human instrument as mysteriousness or ‘special’.  However, this is not true, for understanding only enhances the appreciation.  It is superstition that creates the fear of understanding.

Do We Need a Soul?

Published on by Jim Category: Nonduality, Religion

I wrote this article many, many years ago but I thought I would re-post it on my new blog.

We have a soul, so we have been told.  We must believe that we have a soul.  Belief in a soul is only an intermediate step between what we want and what we have.  It is a practice created to assist us along the way.  But, the belief in a soul, like any artificial creation, eventually gets in our way.  This belief becomes a burden.  When we look at why we choose to believe in a soul, we must ask ourselves what we are making important.  What form (our ‘self’) do we worship?  Are we practicing idolatry?

When no form, no idol, not even our soul becomes important to us then we are perfectly free to live life.  When we have nothing to lose, we are free to follow our heart.  We have nothing to fear so why not love.

One of the “Principles of Truth” is that the truth shall set you free.  Therefore, that which does not speak of freedom is not of the truth.  Does our definition of soul trap us or limit our life experience?

When we ask a question, we expose our doubts, our weaknesses, to the world.  Any corrupt and manipulative person could use this to control and manipulate you.  If a person were fearful then they may ‘answer’ you with a concept that creates a controlling fear in you.  Such is the idea of soul.

The idea of a soul does have its value.  It is a relative point or perspective.  For example, one person has a certain size foot and a second person has smaller size foot.  The first person’s shoe is not right for the second person.  The second person’s shoe is not right for the first person.  Yet this does not make the shoes either right or wrong in themselves only as they are relative to the person’s foot.  A third person comes along who has no feet.  Neither the first  nor the second person’s shoe will “fit” since they have not feet.  The question is not relative for the third person has not position.  For the third person there is no right or wrong shoe.  Therefore, truth is relative to the position that is seen from.

Right and wrong, good and evil require a datum, a point of focus, a reference point.  For humanity, the datum is the self or soul.  As long as we are human, we will have the datum of self and soul.  When one awakens and realizes they are infinite, they recognize they are not limited to a self or soul and hence they are free of datum.  Without datum there is no right nor wrong, no good nor evil.  Without self and soul, you are free to love and appreciate all that is.

BUT, (and this is a BIG but) prudence is necessary for survival.  When you get to understand that we are not going to survive this thing called life, we wonder why worry about it.  The worrying destroys the quality of the life experience.  It is the concern for our “self”, our body and soul that creates the fear and erodes the joy and love.

The whole truth is that for a whole life one is aware of both the desire to be prudent and the desire to be free of worry and concern.  Too much of either will be self-destructive.  Too much prudence will erode the inner quality of life.  Too little prudence will destroy the body through which we experience life and without which we would not have the opportunity to enjoy and love life.

What does it mean to have no soul or self?  It means that we no longer think of our “self” or soul as important, which is perfect humility.  It means we no longer concerned with protecting the illusion we call our “self”.  When we have experienced the truth of the absence of permanence or realness of self or soul, then its temporariness becomes insignificant.  We become insignificant.  If we are insignificant and unimportant then we have nothing to lose in life.  We become free to experience all that life has to offer.

Of course, we will also recognize that if our soul or self is insignificant then so is everybody else’s soul and self.  Then, only the quality of the play of life becomes important.  The only real question remaining is, are we enjoying or loving life?  Hence, the fulfillment of the scriptures is to love.

When we no longer have make the self or soul important then we have broadened our mind, we have expanded our awareness, we have gone beyond the body and mind, we have “denied thyself” completely.  Now we can go on to something greater, much greater.  We go on to infinity.  Now there is no end to the true Self, and there was no beginning.  Now you have eternal life, with no beginning or end.

No amount of thinking can release us from this question.  It is only when we come to the breaking point will we willingly let go of the question.  It is in the peace and stillness that comes after letting go that gives us the clarity to perceive the perfect truth that will set us perfectly free.

This creates a dilemma:  How much of all the thinking that comes from philosophies, theologies, doctrines and beliefs is too much and how much is not enough.  The answer, we cannot possible know.  Here is where we get the opportunity to jump with faith.  When we realize that life, soul or self is less important than getting peace from the question, then we will be free.  Then we will let go of the questions.  Then we will be free to enjoy and love what is.

There is no need for a limited concept of soul.  Nor is there a need for limiting ideas of life after death and reincarnation.  The truth shall set you free so that which does not speak of freedom is not of the truth.  If there are aspect of our concept of soul that create limitation in our minds then that aspect is not based on truth or reality.  If we feel trapped in our destiny by our acts or karma then we have based our feelings on untruths.  If we have an expectation based on our belief about soul, life after death or reincarnation, then we have trap ourselves in our belief.

Do we have a belief that something or anything we do here in life will affect what happens to us when we die?  Are we afraid that we might go to hell or reincarnate as something less than desirable because we were a bad little boy or a bad little girl?  If we have these beliefs then we are dealing with an untruth in our concept of soul.

Where did the concept of soul first originate?  We will probably never know absolutely, and it does not really matter who started the idea, but we can imagine how somebody might of come up with the question that soul became the answer or solution to.  We all have asked ourselves at one time what is to become of us when we die.  It is this question, and the doubt that it produces, that motivates a person to seek to know their destiny.  With this question, one has to create a language for answering it.  The word soul is part of that language.

Yet, if people were to seek to understand themselves, this would force to ask them where this question came from.  What was the motive for asking this question in the first place?  Eventually in our exploration of ourselves, we will discover that what we really want is not answers but peace from the question.  This does not take away from the natural desire to understand and communicate that understanding.  It is the sense of needing an answer, the neediness, being negative, that motivates us to seek release.

So let us imagine that the word soul was created as a way of sharing our understanding of reality.  It is difficult for a person to imagine his or her own nonexistence, for if we did not exist we would not have a reference point for our perspective.  How could a person imagine the future if their being did not exist in some form or another?  How could a person conceptualize the future beyond death if they did not exist?  Such thoughts are seemingly impossible to comprehend.  Therefore, from this perspective of difficulty in comprehension we wish to create an easier way of perceiving the future beyond.  We wish to create an easier way dealing with our discomfort with these difficult and seemingly impossible thoughts.  So, we create the concept of soul.  We create the idea that we are an entity, a being, which would exist beyond the existence of our body, a being that did not end with body’s destruction or death.

Once we know where we came from, we will know where we are going.  Where were you before you were born?  If you believe in reincarnation then I ask you where were you before the universe was created?   What was it like to be there?  What was your experience before you had the reference point of the human experience?  Again, seemingly impossible questions; impossible maybe to answer given our limitation of language, but not impossible to understand.  When you stand at the beginning you shall not taste death.

 

Dangerous Pixels

Published on by Jim Category: Communication and Relationships, Health Emotional

Are people so stupid as to think that pixels on their computer screen can hurt them?  Really?  Do people really want to give their power and peace away to anyone who comes along and says something to them?  Really?

Pixels are defined as “A minute area of illumination on a display screen, one of many from which an image is composed.”

I am constantly getting people who seem so unconscious as to think that the arrangement of pixels on their computer screen is hurting them, and the one who arranged those pixels are their screen is the evil one who is abusing them.

Can people really be THAT stupid or unconscious?  Cannot people see that pixels do not hurt them, it is their reactions to those pixels can cause them harm?

I know many college educated people who actually think that pixels can harm them.  That is about as silly as thinking that their shadow can attack them and hurt them.

I am well aware that these people have just been programmed to brutalize themselves emotionally when stimulated by words.  This was to the advantage of the ruling classes, the parents, teachers, clergy, government, etc.  I was programmed the same way, but I noticed that I was my own worst enemy, I was the only one abusing me and I took responsibility for that behavior and worked to stop it.  Today, I feel free from that self-abusive behavior.

Part of that process of getting free from this programming is to be brutally honest with our self and admit the truth, that pixels (or words) cannot hurt us, it is our reactions that cause us harm.

All the spiritual traditions out there that I have studied are about teaching people how to relax around the thoughts that come into their mind.  Even psychotherapy is about this in its primitive way.  Meditation is the practice of just watching those thoughts and learning to let go of the reaction and relax around them.

Smart people seek out this training or discipline and they seek opportunities to practice.  Stupid people just blame the computer or the person who arranged pixels on their screen that they took offense at, or they end relationships blaming the other for pushing their buttons.

I am here to serve people, people who want to wake up, be empowered over their inner world and their inner peace.

I like the example of both the one called Buddha and the one called Christ who said and practiced that we should focus our attention on those who have ears to hear and let the dead bury the dead.  That means to serve those who actively want what I am offering and to let the others just go.

If someone wants to learn how to relax or meditate then I will teach them that, IF they ask.  I am here only to serve those who want to find that inner peace, peace WITH the world.  But, if they are seeking peace IN the world then it is best to get away from me, for I will only piss them off and expose the hell they create for themselves.

I admit that it is hard for me to stop caring about people who are obviously hurting, and that is what is required of me.  So at times, I will reach out to the hurting one, the one who in their confusion thinks that I am the one hurting them, and I will make an effort to awaken them from the nightmare they are imposing upon themselves by their beliefs.  However, if they just run away then that is OK by me, for I would rather spend my time on the living than on the dead (those dead unto themselves).

Dad Punishes Daughter By Shooting Computer

Published on by Jim Category: Christian, Jesus
Dad Shooting Laptop

Dad Shooting Laptop

This guy is One Sick Parent, and the sooner his daughter gets away from him the better. Talking about disrespect as he sits there smoking a cigarette, how stupid, for he is DEMONSTRATING that he does not feel he is worthy of respect by his KILLING himself with his smoking. Then he goes and does VIOLENCE to a computer to show respect? How stupid and sick can a person be.

If he really loved his daughter he would talk to her about he ‘problems’ with him and work it out, he would not be violent. He could talk about the economics of reality, that he is paying for her shelter and food and that he could stop buying his daughter any ‘special’ items, like new clothes, computers or phones, etc. but doing violence to anything, using a GUN to make his point to his daughter? Really? This guy is sick and those who support him are sick.

Would Jesus have done this? Hell, no, but this is what is taught in the ‘bible belt’.

Fear or Love of Ourselves

Published on by Jim Category: Health Mental, Love and Fear

I wonder how many people realize they are afraid of themselves, they are afraid of how they will react to what people say to them or what life offers them.  I see this as one of the biggest problem we human have; fear of themselves.  The solution to this problem, of course, is to practice loving yourself, particularly when you are being most abusive to yourself.  And we are being abusive to ourselves when we take offense at someone or are being angry or pessimistic.  It takes consciousness and practice to change a behavior that is not really serving us, like the behavior of abusing ourselves.  However, the effort is worth it…YOU are worth it.

Loving ourselves is not easy, particularly if we have been taught to hate and abuse ourselves.  Most people have been taught that there is something wrong with them, that they are lacking something or that they are sinners or some other nonsense.  People tell us that because THEY want us to be something other than we are or THEY want to use us in some way.

As children we are gullible and believe what we are told, we believe we are flawed or lacking or sinners.  However, as adults, we can question the ideas, and if we do, we will find that they are nonsense, assuming of course that we truly question them.

So let us say that we have questioned those judgments of us and found that the criteria for them were faulty, based upon faulty assumptions.  So what do we do now to stop abusing ourselves and start loving ourselves?

How Do We Start Loving Ourselves?

Conceptually this is easy but the practice of this takes concentration, awareness and dedication, for all your life you have develop certain habits and those habits are deeply engrained, it will take some work to retrain yourself to healthier, more loving habits.

I like to use an arithmetic like scale to visualize the process.  On the left side of the scale are the negative numbers, in this case the negative experiences.  In the middle is zero or neutral experiences and on the right side are the positive numbers or positive experiences.  The further from center one goes the larger the absolute value of the number and the greater the intensity of the experience.

We all want positive life experiences and at least we are open to neutral experiences like peace and contentment.  So we naturally have a desire to move to the right on this scale, from the negative to the positive or from the more negative to the less negative or from neutral to the positive or from the less positive to the more positive.

So how do we go from the negative to the positive?  First off, we look at WHY something is experienced as negative and this will tell us a lot about how to go from negative to positive.

If we watch ourselves closely when we are experience some intensely negative experience, say fear, we will notice that we are uptight and/or contracted.  Our mind is very narrow-minded focused and contracted too.

And if we were to observe ourselves when we are feeling great we would notice that our body is relaxed and feels expanded; and our mind is expanded, embracing the big picture of life.

Therefore, from this we realize that to move from the negative/contracted state to the positive/expanded state is to change the focus of our mind and to make an effort to relax the body.

I will talk more about how to do this later, but here I want to say that in essence it take consciousness of when we are tense, uptight and narrow-mindedly focused usually on ourselves or our interests and see how this behavior is not pleasant but is actually abusive to ourselves.  The more we do this the more we will fear ourselves.

We can start making a choice now; start to move away from this habit and towards a more loving behavior toward ourselves.

The choice is ours and the power to choose comes with practice.

Closed-Mindedness

Published on by Jim Category: Health Mental, Love and Fear

I recognize that, at times, I am closed-minded and I recognize that we all are closed-minded at times. It is natural for a person to resist change or new ideas or new ways of thinking.

Recognizing this but not wanting to close myself off to something new that might improve the quality of my life experience, I decided to look at closed mindedness and how to overcome that handicap.

So how do I ensure that I do not be closed-minded? I cannot.

What I can do it to make myself comfortable with listening to what others have to say, and I can develop a habit of not reacting while they are telling me what they think will benefit me. I can also encourage people to recognize that we all are closed-minded and I can ask them to keep trying even if I do not seem to be receptive at first.

One thing I never want to do is to take offense at anything anyone offers me, for that is a sure sign I am closed-minded.

How can I help others I see who are being themselves and closing themselves off to anything the universe is offering them? I am not sure that I can, except to do what I have just done and write about, hoping that others will recognize this trait within themselves. I also will make every effort to break through someone’s closed mindedness that I feel I can. My friends will recognize this as a loving effort to serve them. Those who are not part of my ‘tribe’ will probably take offense at this effort and there is a very good chance they will ‘un-friend’ me in one form or another.

When does being persistent become pestering someone? That is relative and only each one of us can define that for ourselves. I find that the more closed-minded a person is the more they will perceive ANY intrusion as pestering. Yet, I also find that the more open minded a person is they will be willing to at least listen fully to what you are offering and you will feel complete in your offering even if they do not find what you are offering as valuable to them at this time.

Why are some people more closed-minded than others are? I find that if a person has developed a habit of abusing themselves emotionally and blaming others for that abuse. So they will naturally be afraid of THEMSELVES and their own reactions to what others share with them, so they will not want to hear what others have to say, at least not if those others think outside of the narrow boxes in their mind.

Not all allowing others to share with us is about us. Sometimes people just need to share or even vent, so allowing them to do that with you is an act of compassion or love. In addition, of course, compassion and love are good for you.

Why Meditate

Published on by Jim Category: Religion

I have found that the Hindu tradition provides a very good foundation in the skills of stillness which this article addresses. Buddhism takes Hinduism another step and adds compassion as an element toward recognizing our oneness in this journey. Jesus went even further toward this oneness with the ideas of love but he did not emphasis the value of stillness or what he called “watching” enough to his followers and hence they do not promote this most important FIRST step in the process. I find that no western traditions promote this basic skill enough, although they do talk about it.

The Perfect Dharma would be melding of the eastern and western traditions would be a melding of the skills of watching (peace of the eastern traditions) with the power and passion of the western tradition.